The Absurdity of Being a "Meatbag"

I admire human beings so much but I've always felt stuck in my meatbag—wrong in some way. Like the meatbag didn’t quite fit right. It seemed as though my soul, or whatever was inside, wanted out so badly, and I would have gladly released it had it not been for the rules. The rules that say we should finish our cycle: learn, have joy, feel pain, die, and do it again.

I find humans to be utterly ridiculous. Behavior-wise, I don’t get us… but I do love humans. Angry, greedy little specks of dust that beckon to be heard. I can relate.

I was asked how I do things—how I cancel out the noise from the outside world. This is how. I don’t take a lot of humans seriously. Not their opinions, not their thoughts on my art or personal life, etc., etc. If I did, I would be insane. And even though I might be untethered, insanity is one thing I will not give in to yet. The definition of insanity is doing things over and over again and expecting a different result. We do that as humans. We live in cycles, unknowingly going about life as if we haven’t done this before in other lifetimes. I fear I think about it way too much, and it makes me cry.

How many times have I done this? Lived a life, had a family, lost people, and then died. How many times have I felt immense pain that brought me to my knees? I understand now why people cut themselves—to give the soul a bit of release, to let it have a bit of air. I felt that release sometimes—when I climbed mountains, or meditated, or felt the sand in my toes. I wonder sometimes what it’s like to be something other than human. Maybe an animal, or a tree, or something not alone at all. Would I still have so many thoughts, opinions, and words running through me?

I wonder if I had been something else. I once traveled back in time. Thats a sotry for another time. I saw my mother before she died and went further and further back until I unearthed that I was once a blade of grass. I am not sure if it was a dream, or if the meditation I did finally let my soul be free, but what a wonder it was to experience such a thrill.

I have decided I will continue as I am, for I am, for the most part, a human. One plagued by intrusive thinking and daydreaming. I will continue to search and seek for answers in the mountains, and in art and writing. I will not relent to the insanity that comes with being encased in a meatbag.

The meatbag I will wear, and it will not wear me.

At least, I hope not.